Pushing stuff down inside is not a long-term solution. I hate to say it so bluntly, but it isn't.

Also, as to your quote, I might buy it if what you're holding up as the image of life is something that's "normal." There's no such thing as normal, as we all know.... But, it's totally realistic to expect that your marriage and your partner can meet your needs. That's not asking too much.

The main thing is, you husband has to try. He has to try. And pushing things deep down inside doesn't count. That's a copout. He actually has to deal with things, because his abuse and his own attempts to deal with it continue to create problems in his life. That's kind of the secret of trauma. The trauma itself may be long gone, but the things that we did as children to save ourselves become something that we eventually have to save ourselves from, if you follow me.