When a person is "manipulative", what comes to mind? What I think of is someone's hands on my shoulders, directing me where I do not have a choice to go. Your husband, good Thulas, has a choice. He can choose to begin to respect you for the person he married, the reason he chose to pursue you in marriage. You are the responsible one, the one who gives him stability, the one who takes his creative impulses and furious motivations and turns them into stable foundations. You give him another day and you have an excellent track record.

He needs to know what he knew when he married you, remind him. When he sees the reasoning that you are the one who brings order to the chaos and light to the darkness, then tell him you and he are one and you like it that way. Creating a child will not change that, nor will not having a child. Right now the one who co-creates a successful life with him asks him to be patient, to see the solidity of the partnership, the efforts you are extending to him in this union.

Tell him as is your right, let him know that both of you have worked hard this far. Use terms such as "I am hurt when you accuse me" or "I am sad when you speak that way" and be open, you want you and him together. Conversation is like a game of catch the ball, one tosses the ball in such a way so the other can catch it without hurting themselves.

My best to you both,
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014