I TOTALLY RELATE TO THAT! the freakin' shoe/bubble/brewing storm.
I am doing my best to enjoy the place that my husband and i are in, cause it's just such a reassuring place...but I can't help but notice that our lives are really more like a roller coaster, what goes up must come down. It seems like we average about 2 close weeks and 2 tense weeks and then 2 weeks of stress/indifference/separateness.
which is fine...but it's so hard to stop and enjoy. It's important for me not to rely too heavily on grouping situations, people, experiences into "good" and "bad." sometimes it can't be helped and I say (especially in the case of sexual abusers) "let someone else find their humanity." I'm just not there yet. But when it comes to my H and I or even my kids, I learned a quote that I love, "I know better than to take credit when things are good because then I have to take credit when things are bad."
Anyways, what I was saying is that I often feel like there "is a storm brewing." and I've haven't been able to escape it. But I am finding that while the storm never goes away and we're constantly on hurricane watch, I'm learning to switch my focus. Instead of freaking out about the storm, I've tried to focus on grounding myself and bonding with my husband. Better to have something to hold onto in a storm.
I love what you are writing about your kids. That's such an insight. I've felt that way but haven't worded it so well or thought about it in that context. But I have been thinking that lately it's nice to have them around, independent but close by, and not needy. Like we're finally filing their emotional buckets.