But... as for the subject of this thread... I meant to say that "mid-life crisis" or whatever it is... may just be kind of a coincidence. You know, we survivors of sexual assault try to deal with it ourselves for awhile, typically. We live with buried shame and guilt. We learn to disguise our true feelings. And as a result, we often don't know shit about our true feelings. Why do I feel this malaise? I don't know. Why did I cheat on my spouse? I don't know. What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't know.

And we hide all this bullshit until it comes bursting out, which it does eventually, often when our kids are the same age as we were when we were abused. Or often because the shit simply hits the fan! It does that sometimes, you know.

And so here we are.... Trying as men to pick up the pieces left over from broken children.

Good luck. You should know that you're not alone. So should your husband. He's sadly normal, in a way. I hope you can find some peace. Definitely try to focus on and find the simple pleasures in life, and enjoy the hell out of them when you can. Because if CSA is involved, shit can get pretty damn serious and pretty damn heartbreaking and sad and horrible and sobering and painful pretty damn fast.

But on a brighter note.... This will get better. Things do that. And on the other end of it all, your husband might just turn out to be a guy who knows himself, is much more comfortable in his own skin.

Take care,