My struggle at present isn't even specifically with the things of my "past". So the Repent/Forgive part of it isn't really applicable in that sense. I have asked for forgiveness of things I have done and I believe I have forgiven those who wounded me (although I see it more like a day to day process too in the sense that when I do have a rough day in terms of past abuse it's easy to take the anger and things right back up).

My present struggles all deal with fall-out. The result or the things that have grown out of the abuse etc. The addictions. The struggles that came up from the abuse, that twisted thoughts and coping mechanisms that came up because of the abuse. Those "present" things.

I feel I have dealt with the "past", at least the things/issues I've remembered, so It's the present that's the struggle.

Some days I do want help/advice etc on those present things, although honestly when I do I usually seek that out myself from various resources I can read at my own pace and not from others directly. I did try in the past to get that assistance from others locally only to find, as so many others have, that finding anyone who can truly give appropriate input and feedback on these issues are really not available unless your really lucky.

It's frustrating to be in a place where I'm really feeling like I alone in these battles. Yes I know God is with me, but we're supposed to surround ourselves with others right? A cord of 3 cannot be broken and all that... but there's no one I feel I can share my issues and struggles with, as just like abuse etc no one wants to talk or deal with them, and anyone I've found who will listen and not kick you to the curb for being a horrible sinner, hasn't a clue and their "advice" is like the stuff I shared in the first post. Those simplistic "pray" and it'll all be better responses. There are times when I get the reponse that I just want to go off... Oh golly I just durn forgot to do dat, guess me bakwert self is juss too dumm to be tinkin right!

I did eventually text that fellow back and let him know this isn't something new that I'm dealing with, that it's something I've been praying about and dealing with since I was still a kid, but the reply I got was just a reiteration that "it really is just that simple." Well excuse me for being so weak and pathetic that I fail even at somethings so simple. What a dumb lummox I must be.

Anyway, thanks for all the words and advice and I'll be honest... I haven't a foggy clue what I have for anyone to look up to, but thanks.