... ultimately you're going to have to claim vicotry over the stuff. lay it at the later and walk away.
Me: Maybe you truly believe it's that easy or I'm just that weak. I don't know, either way I've never seen any one have success with the "just get over it method".
Other: ... it really is just that simple brother. repent of your own stuff and forgive others of theirs.
i hope you are feeling at least a little better now. i can identify with your frustration. all the nice religious prases and cliches just don't seem to "work" most of the time for me. i can identify an element of truth in them - but as far as being a practical way of actually living and putting principles into practice - it all seems to fall short.
"claim victory ... and walk away" - sounds like the end result as seen from the safe vantage point of hindsight - after the battle is over - but it doesn't meet the felt need in the here and now. i guess that is how you would look at it from the "faith" point of view - as if it has already been accomplished. but when you are still in the thick of the conflict, it just sounds like fantasy or delusions.
and - NO! - speaking as one survivor to another - there is nothing "simple" about our circumstances. the physical, emotional, mental and psychological effects that our experiences - and the residual stuff that has followed - has had on us is anything but "simple" !!! sure - God's grace is the ultimate answer to all human ills - whether they are small or overwhelming in scale - but this kind of dismissive comment is either clueless or disrespectful - and far from compassionate. it is true in a sense - but it is like skipping to the final page of the book and seeing "The End" without reading every long, complicated, detailed, time-comsuming page.
i won't even try to address the "repent" and "forgive" parts of the message in great depth beyond these observations:
1. both those verbs are indicative of responsibilities being placed upon you by the advisor. only YOU can determine if they are legit advice for now or not. the bad news is - they put all the burden on you to make the difference. the good news is - if it is the right course - at least you have the opportunity to act and not just be a passive object that is unable to do anything.
2. i think that both actions are ones that are not necessarily one-time events. i have felt the need to repeatedly and progressively work on forgiving the step-father. i was not re-doing the same work - but going deeper and making it more complete as i gained more understanding. likewise with repentance - i have realized more things that i was guilty of in the ways i have tried to compensate for or deny or medicate myself and treated others - as effects of what was done to me, but also as my own choices. and i have had to deal with them accordingly. again - NONE of that is SIMPLE - it is like delicate surgery that God performs slowly, carefully and gently - but it still hurts like hell!
sorry - i don't know how to wrap this up - it's open-ended. there is not gonna be an easily articulated answer. you - me - all of us - are stuck wrestling with this on a continuing basis. maybe some day we'll be free of it all. hopefully while we are still in this life...