We're here for you, and the rush of powerful negative emotions that you're experiencing right now is a very common reaction to uncorking the bottle. These are all the bad feelings that you've had bottled up all these years finally coming to the surface for you to let them out.
It will pass. Just remember to breathe and let it flow through you like a cleansing river.
One thing you can work on in the meantime is this -- tell your wife that it is not cool to text you with stuff she is afraid to talk about face-to-face. Do not fall into her trap of talking about this over text message. You need her; cling to her; do not push her away. Have these conversations with her face-to-face.
But he grew old, this knight so bold / And upon his heart a shadow / Fell as he found / No spot on the ground / That looked like El Dorado.