Hey Lee, I'm more than happy while reading your update. I hope that boy will find needed support and father's image in you!
But must say, o man, it is very painfully seeing someone so emphatic, so full with wisdom, intelligence and knowledge as you Lee (yes it is true, those are just some of your qualities) to question self
Must add that many of us are feeling sometimes like that, it is terrible and I hate it
Why is so difficult for us just to be as wee indeed are? We can offer so much but with some internal burden it is like we are in foggy cloud losing energy to basic things as moving to nearest point and not being able to use every possibility that shows at horizon.
You can do it Lee, you have so much to offer!
I'm reading about fate in God here a lot and in that respect I hope we will also found fate in ourselves, we have to find it, it is more than important! Let us believe in ourselves and our strength, we endured so much in our lives. I hope we will accept it with less pain, WE ARE STRONG MEN!