I have been looking for book. Thank you for the insight. I am glad I found this site because I have nobody to talk to that has been through this, therefore, they do not even know what to say. My wife still has not said anything in person. She has text me about it, but she feels awkward actually speaking to me about it. You have definitely opened my eyes to different factors. Now I think it is on me to make myself believe it. Everything you said makes 100% sense, and I can read it and say "yes that is true" the hard part is believing that I am not gross, or I am not different in any way. Again, thank you for your post, and I hope that I can open up more as to what happened, but this is still so new to me. I have not even told my wife that it has happened more then with just this one person. He had a friend that he would bring in to join in the "fun" as he put it. Then it happened like 2 other time with different people. It wasnt as bad with them because I was almost used to it. I began to expect to have sex with every friend that I had. It was almost normal for me. So, I am just taking my baby steps from the starting line on this long long journey. I am glad and thankful for the help here. This community seems to be ver helpful, understanding, and willing to help.