Not sure if you are still checking this post Bob, but H said something last night that I am curious about. He has always avoided anything that resembles a social group that people feel a sense of membership in. Examples would be things like church, AA, group therapy for csa and there are others. He talks very poorly of a former friend who was part of a semi-cult and then became a pagan and is a drummer in this pagan ritual drumming group. He says that people join these things because they are weak and need to feel like they belong somewhere and end up distorting who they are to fit into the image of the group. While I think he has a point to an extent, I find it very arrogant that he thinks people only "need" God to affirm themselves and their moral beliefs because their strength of character isn't firm enough to have these morals without the external oversight of god. obviously religion is a trigger for him (one of his first abuse experiences was a man who belonged to his mom's church in the church basement outside the washrooms). However, he extends this avoidance of "belonging" to something for support to everything. Do you have any insight on this? Do you think, aside from the obvious incident above, that this is rooted in his csa?

I ask because when I was telling him about the forums here I was explaining how everyone from different backgrounds and with different personality types come together here to support each other. I told him that I have observed some of the survivors referring to themselves as a group with a shared experience... as a brotherhood. Well, BIG mistake on my part! He made this face like he had something bad tasting in his mouth. I asked him why he had this issue and he said he didnt know, but that he just wasnt comfortable with the idea of being in a "group" or a clique (sp?). I think I may have achieved the opposite of my goal and guaranteed he will NOT seek help through these forums now despite the fact that I think he would find it helpful. Argggg! He is so frustrating and confusing to me. He and I are truly quite opposite personalities and while this compliments each other in some ways, it can also drive me nuts sometimes too!! smile

Do you have any insight on how I might undo what I did last night? I think he's got this impression now that MS forums are full of touchy feely type guys that lament about their pain and generally feel sorry for themselves. I know that it is completely opposite... you guys are some of the bravest, toughest men I have ever known. Do you think this is just another imaginary wall he has constructed to prevent him from exposing himself to the judgement of others?

Hope all is well with you! Thanks.
I am not your rolling wheels, I am the highway
I am not your carpet ride, I am the sky
- Audioslave