I hear ya Farmer. I feel and share in you agony. And stopping these things won't be easy but you will find, as I have, people will still like and accept you. We as survivors have some extrodinary traits and characteristics. My abuse led me to overachieve in almost everything. Sports growing up, hunting, work and pleasing others. An the sad thing is when they didn't seem overwhelmed it made me mad. I was doing all these things because the boy in me was still wanting to put up the better than I really am persona. I am a broken shell of a man now because of all my overachieving. I am totally fine being mediocre now and see that I still have just as many friends. Keep getting better day by day. Know this, we are (none of us, worthy of Gods mercy and love. But thru Jesus that battle has been won for us bro. Thru Him we are victorious and a new person. I am not who I was and I was remade, I am new ( as the song states). Peace bro and you are gonna be alright in this. I got ya back as does everyone else here.
Ephesians 6:13

Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand.

Ephesians 5:25

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her