Thanks Bob. I have drafted an email to him about him needing to deal with this and me needing to let go, inviting him to come here, to read The Mike Lew book (he has my copy of Silent Sons now, which he seemed prepared to read), to come to a therapy appointment with me. But I haven't hit send yet. I'm going to run it by the therapist tomorrow. In fact, i'd be honored if you would maybe take a look but understand fully if you'd rather not.
I think this is all pretty intense for him actually. At one point that day when we were talking about it he was sitting and I standing just in front of him. I said something innocuous (or so I thought...can't remember what specifically) and he suddenly grabbed my wrists. I stopped talking and we just looked at each other for about half a minute, he still holding my wrists. "I thought you were going to slap me" he said. Why on earth would you think that, I asked. To which he responded "maybe I think I need to be slapped." He then let go of my wrists and did up the zipper on my sweatshirt much like a parent would their child's. it's heart breaking.