My H has never stopped testing me. I knew what he was doing from the get go and even asked him once. "Hey, how many of your tests do I have to pass before you realize you can trust me." He didn't answer just smiled. The more of his tests I passed the more intense they became. I think he believes that if he keeps testing one day the fear of being betrayed will go away and he will trust me. But it doesn't work that way so it goes on and on. I still call him on it. And in the first stage of our our relationship he told me that he felt like I really "got him" and liked that fact that I could see through his mask. But the longer we were together it seemed the more he began to felt threatened by what he was originally attracted to. I don't really blame him, I can be kind of tuff love at times. I have dragged him home slobbering drunk many times and said "Hey maybe you should quit hiding and deal with your crap. You are better than this." If someone had said that to me back before I was ready to talk I would have been triggered big time. For a survivor it's really scary for someone to see the things that you are trying to hide. It feels like a violation. Like if someone where to grab you and rip off your clothes. You would feel panicked and exposed. You would probably want to run away from them, and would be really angry at them for doing that to you. I don't want to make my husband feel that way and I know that I have not always handled things in the best way but I'm doing my best. It's hard to draw the line between being supportive and letting stuff slide and being a doormat. So as supporters we are bound to make mistakes.
Everything comes from within