Thanks for your input, yes I did go see a therapist but I wont be going back any time soon. My comfort level is zero when it comes to divulging things of a sexual nature to another man face to face. And yes this has all turned very sexual, I assume due to the very nature of this issue. I have been dealing with CSA for a long time (25yrs) but I was able to keep it all, (my emotions) under controll but these last few months have been overwhelming. I have never "acted out" with another man, the idea does make me cringe...but when I see a man that reminds me of my abuser it turns very sexual in my mind.. lately I have been very very sexualy active with my wife, but rewind the last 7 years and its a diff story intimacy was rare I had serious issues. Now its like it was the first 8 yrs of marraige but with a diff. undertone.

At this point I realize that I have become all sorts of crazy.... and you are right putting it all on a shelf for a latter date is not the answer.

One more on the topic of my dreams. I am the agressor, the initiator and the one in controll....

"Those are not your sins" A wise man