By the way, Esposa, I just re-read this whole string of posts, and I am kind of amazed at all the stuff that I got out. Thank you for your comments. I've been really trying to dig deep on my posts. Sometimes I reach too far, and then all of a sudden I feel a rush of anxiety and shame and self-hate and pain, but honestly it hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. I've come a long way.