...like to chime in on the debate tho I'm wholly unqualified to do so...
Yes, Steve the victims are seen as less legitimate and I think it's because in society and in the world of criminal justice we focus on the act not the outcome. In a "tradiional" rape scenario the woman is penetrated, often with violence, and the immediate outcome may be pregnancy or disease. We know this storyline from prehistory. The inverse act involves a male becoming engulfed by a female. This concept does not carry the valence or history of the former act.
What we utterly ignore is the outcomeof the act. All of those same feelings of violation, of vulnerability, of personal loss. I must admit that I've been as callouse as the next when it comes to misunderstanding the ramifications. I had a drinking buddy that chased a lot of tail and banged a lot of chicks. He mentioned waking up drunk one night finding himself getting raped by a female and I made light of his situation. It takes a much deeper understanding than we currently possess, even with so many childhood sexual abuse survivors coming to light, to give the experiences you men speak of its propper gravity and respect.
As far as gender roles go, they're also as old as rape itself. The answer is accepting they exists but refusing to let them define our being. No person fits completely within their gender stereotype. If they do, they're a neurotic robot in need of serious therapy. There will always be macho assholes. There will always be smothering mothers. I just try to be happy being me: a stay-at-home dad who cooks and cleans and washes the laundry AND drinks a larga at the pub. Tia Maria is more of a nightcap methinks.
DE I think a bit of humor could go along way to diffuse these situations with cromagnons. Perhaps you could say, well I could drink that but a larga makes me rather gassy and the ladies don't like that at all.
Finding humor in the heartbreak