I am so glad to find this group! I am a female survivor of abuse by both parents and multiple other men, starting at a very young age. Both parents were untreated survivors, very damaged. Two of the most important men in my life now and for many years are both survivors who became perpetraters. They both turned themselves in, got in treatment, worked very hard, graduated, and are living as normal a life as circumstances permit. I am very proud of them, and have learned a great deal about my own abuse issues through knowing them and participating in their recovery.
Sexual abuse is an epidemic in our world. So much pain, passed down from generation to generation like a family heirloom. It poisens lives, families, communities. The huge pressure not to talk about it helps keep it going. The rage and violence towards offenders keeps many of them from seeking help when the urges and obsessions first arise, before the first victem.
I do recognize that there are preditory offenders who are so twisted that they are beyond recovery. I am refering to the percentage of molesters who are capable of modifying their behavior, beliefs, and denial systems.
As I learned from Andy Hudak, head of one of the most sucessful treatment centers in the country, All offenders were abused, not all victems become abusers. I feel that any discussion of recovery must, at some point, include the recovery of the abusers among us. The current belief among professionals is that one in six men is activly molesting. That is an unbelievable number of people! All creating untold misery for yet another generation of children. How can we stop this tradgedy? When does sympathy for the abused boy turn to rage and hate for the abuser he becomes? Where is the moment for intervention in that boy's life?
I do not mean to offend any one or seem to be making any kind of abuse OK. I am trying to name a huge problem that helps keep all of us as victems trapped in the old narrative. I know that there are very many abused boys who do not go on to become perpetrators.