I was raised Catholic, and have remained Catholic although my church attendance could best be described as spotty, but ever since middle school I've always been attracted to occult and hidden spiritual and mystical traditions.
I wonder if the abuse helped me "break through" the standard teachings of Christianity to see the hidden stuff underneath -- much as the abuse opens one's eyes to what happens to seemingly normal people behind closed doors.
That said, I wonder if other abuse survivors feel connected to a spirituality that the normals would consider to be occult?
I have recently purchased a Tarot deck, and it appears to be speaking to me.
But he grew old, this knight so bold / And upon his heart a shadow / Fell as he found no spot on the ground / That looked like El Dorado.