Ok so thanks to you amazing people and this board I'm no longer panicking. Today anyway.
Going to look at the positives:
1. He told me, which means he is trying on trust. The icing on the cake is that he's trying it on with me. Which suggests that I've been right in handling the past year with love and compassion.
2. When he left my house he thanked me for helping him look at things differently, to focus on my forgiveness not my pain or how he hurt me. I think we both needed to have that conversation but now it is done and will not be raised again.
3. After he left he came back five minutes later to say thank you for "helping me face my fears." he said an email isn't enough. I told him "you did it, and you're ok, I'm ok, we're ok." I thanked him for sharing with me. Then he hugged me and kissed me on the forehead and left.
4. We still enjoy each others company and spent 8 hours on a boat together recently fishing, and had a great social visit on Saturday before our talk. He had asked to come by.
So maybe he's getting ready to get help. And maybe I've done something right.
Later that day I sent him an email saying I am unbelievably proud of him for opening up and that he earned a good night's sleep (hes not been sleeping) and sweet dreams.
Yesterday when he called for banking information I asked him how he was and told him I was worried about him. (He had said on Saturday that he's never been lower in his life and he cant get any lower. But he's "not depressed." yeah, right.) He said he's good and "that's nice of ya."
I have consistently told him I continue to love him and wished him peace and strength, but I have never pressured him to come home. He knows I would save my marriage in a heartbeat but that I can't do it alone. He can't accuse me of abandoning him.
I know this is a marathon not a sprint but am I doing the right things in terms of what little support I can give and he will accept?