Northern - Your post hits so close to home for me right now. My survivor pulled away very hard as well. It's his pattern that I didn't really admit to when I got involved. I hope you can find a place where you can give yourself credit for where you are right now. Im not a good litmus test, but you're well beyond where I am.

I also have abandonment stuff from an emotionally unavailable mother. Things that have helped me 1) this board. Post here. There is plenty if validation to be found here from some very strong people who know all sides. 2) Al-Anon has helped me as well. I grew up in a "dry" alcoholic family, and my survivor P drinks. Even if alcohol doesn't ring true where you are, every group I've attended is open and welcoming. It's a great way to heal. 3) Treat yiurselfm to the best damn therapist you can. For me, my abandonment trauma is relived thru this crap with my P, and my therapist who specializes in trauma has been a godsend. EMDR has worked wonders for me as well. 4) Friends that won't judge if you can find them. I'm surprised who has come to my life lately to help me thru this. Trust your gut on who you can open up to, and don't be afraid to ask for what you need.

I even left a little bit of love in this post to help get ya thru those times when you can't find the strength to love yourself. wink You'll get plenty more from others here, I'm sure.