Thank you GoodHope. I was hoping for a less dire prognosis but I guess that was foolish of me. I love him but he cast me out. He does not want my help.
This might not be the place but I'll say I'm really angry and I don't know where to put it. He knew he would walk out on me eventually because it is his pattern but he married me anyway and I resent that. I loved and supported him through our entire marriage and he shut me out knowing his pattern was in full play. he can't even say he loved me with any confidence. This has changed me forever.
I have abandonment issues of my own from an emotionally abusive father yet in full knowledge of this my husband chose to abandon me 60k outside the city in a town and a house where I'd never have moved on my own. In fact , we largely moved here for him because "the porch is too small" in our previous house. I know now that this was a surrogate for his burning desire to flee.
I know this site is for survivors, but can anybody direct me to a place where I can get some help for this anger and betrayal? I've put his needs and my fear of pushing him further away ahead of my pain. There have been many days in the past year where I fantasized about ending my life because the paIn of his betrayal has been so huge. I feel guilty about feeling and expressing my pain
And he doesn't seem to care one little bit. He would always say about everything prior to our relationship "it's in the past it doesn't matter." He appears to be completely moved on, with me relegated to the past and not mattering. To be so diminished, so belittled is like having your guts ripped out.
I don't know what to do.