I was in a hurry when I posted the last message, I wanted to add that my wife and I had come to the conclusion that if we were going to do this then when we are ready we will do it together. I know some people might think we are insane for coming up with the idea but we are married and to do it separately would be adultery but if we are together when it happens then it's not, or atleast that is how we have justified it in our heads because we both know about it because we will both be there.

I came to the conclusion that I married my wife and I do love her, I don't consider myself to be "Gay" as I said before I couldn't wake up next to a man every morning and feel love for him like I do my wife. I just have a physical attraction towards guys which is what makes me keep coming back to the abuse and that I am trying to re-enact the abuse in order to have some control over what happened to me. It's definitely something that is going to take some time to sort out.

Alden take things slowly is my suggestion and try to figure out what is really going on with your self this is a big decision to face and can be life changing so please don't rush into anything and really talk to your wife and feel her out make sure that this is something that you both can live with, I am still not so sure with my wife which is why I still haven't acted on my urges, though I will also tell you that my urges were very strong towards the beginning of going through this and after talking, talking and more talking and some meds thrown in for good measure my urges have died down considerably.

Good luck with whatever you guys decide to do, and please keep us updated.