first off, welcome to this site and to a greater self awareness, it always reminds me of the groucho marx quote about he would never belong to a club that would have him as a member. We would also never want to belong here but ironically it is that sense of belonging that helps the healing so much.

it was courageous of you to post on your first day here. your avatar name on nere is exactly what my first therapist (T) said i was. in protection mode of that little boy for my whole life, its the only way you could survive as a kid, and that basic coping skill just never changes if we do not possess the tools. Why? Cuz like you I would say Can't seem to move forward. i hate that word CAN'T i try to keep it out of my discourse now.

The sense of commonality you get on here is really helpful to let you know you are alone. You posted on this section so you recognize that sexual identity is an issue for you. Thats even a good first start away from CAN'T.

The only exception I take is to Sasuva's advice. I agree with his take on open and frank discussions about sex and sexuality. Try to express what you are feeling. And again he is correct in advising a stoppage in "viewing porn", or 'extreme sexual activity" for a time to see if its affecting your thoughts. However when Sam says stop "fantasizing" well that is something we really cant control. Our libibo and sexual thought will do as they may. Try to think of biting into a lemon without puckering. Its just not possible. So whatever those thoughts are , let them be. They are part of who you are. A good T and work you can do will help you parse through them and put them in perspective.

Just be kind to yourself. Be in the moment as much as you can and understand that this recovery from the wounds you sustained take time to heal. This is not really a club its more like a triage center. Some injuries go deeper than others but they all need attention. Like you said, Being happy with yourself is the goal. But first there the process of slowly lowering your shield and letting yourself learn to accept yourself.

All the best of intentions
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011