Hi Garydosh,

Welcome to MS.

I am glad you have found this place of healing and support.

It does not matter that you went to that guy's house, drank or smoked pot, he had NO RIGHT to do what he did to you!!

It was not your fault.

The fault lies with one person and one person only - Tim.

He chose to do the things he did. He chose to force you to do the things he made you do. He chose to put his needs ahead of yours. He chose to disregard the fact that you had needs. He is the one who chose to disrespect you.

Things will feel worse for a while. It is the nature of going through this process called "healing." It will be the wildest roller coaster you have ever experienced.

And then things will start to get better. Almost imperceptibly at first. A few good moments here and there, experienced almost without awareness. Then the good moments become noticable, and more frequent. The moments become minutes, then hours. Pretty soon you are having more good moments than not. And even when you have a difficult moment, it doesn't get you like it once did. The good hours become days, then weeks, and months.

Yes, things will get better.

But before you can reach that point you will be doing a lot of hard work in therapy. There will be a lot of anger, sadness, rage, depression, turmoil and upheaval. Sometimes you may feel like getting off this crazy ride. Other times you will question why you started the process at all.

During those times it is important to remember you are not alone. Come here and post or hang out in chat. You may not feel like talking, and that is okay. Just being around others will help you not feel so alone. Also, do not forget to neglect your off-line friendships. Your friends are very important, as is the need to engage in non-healing activities.

You have taken several very big steps, and I hope you recognize the courage it took to take them. You have started therapy; you have told your therapist about the abuse; you have given up the drugs and alcohol you were using to numb the pain; and you have come here. Many are never able to take even one of those steps.

In addition to therapy there are several books you may find helpful.

Abused Boys: The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter

Victims No Longer by Mike Lew

I am certain others will share titles they have found useful. You can find these titles, and others here at the bookstore.

Take your time and look around. You do not want to trigger yourself by reading too many posts at one time.

At your own pace, read the boards and wander into chat. The lounge (chat) is open 24 hours a day though it isn't always populated.

We also have moderated chats called Healing Circles. They meet on Sunday and Wednesday evenings at 9pm eastern time and one on Tuesday at 19:00 UTC (European and African time zone) which translates to 2 PM Eastern US time zone. The Healing Circle on Tuesdays is scheduled to resume in September.

Again, welcome to MS.

Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.