I've been visiting this site on and off for about a year, figured today was finally the day to sign up and take the next step. There are things i know I've blocked out about my story, but what I do know is that from the age of 8 I was turned into the sexual play thing of my older brother and my dad. They were both hard, horrible individuals. Still are. I don't know why but I was always softer, more like my mother, and i guess this made me a prime target for them. They were bullies, and sexual deviants. My brother was 7 years older than me. My dad was a strong, proud, popular man. Together they were unstoppable. What i remember is being made to suck them off, one after the other, as they sat watching porn and drinking beer. I was roughed up, hit, sometimes spat on. Dad sometimes liked to kick me in the face, push me to the floor and make me lick his feet. They always got me to strip naked, this was in the bungalow behind our house. They laughed so much, it must have been such a bonding ritual for them. My mother died when i was little so it was always just me and my abusers. They both pumped iron and were huge and strong and handsome. The sick part is, I was in awe of them and sometimes enjoyed being their play thing. This is what has messed me up so much and is difficult to talk about. I liked it. I liked the attention and i liked most of all pleasing and pleasuring them. At the same time I totally hated it and despised them for what they were doing to me. So confusing! Often though, the attraction to it was strong and I would dance for them, dress up as a girl, fetch them beer, clean the house, do all the errands. Something in me felt that if i could just do enough and please them enough, they would accept me and i would become a man like them. That's what i wanted most of all, and that's what they knew I would never be. We all fell into a rhythm that I'm sad to say lasted many years. I wish i could say i was just abused from age 8 to 10, but truth is, it lasted, on and off, til I was 22. In the later years, my dad lost interest and moved away so it was more just pleasuring my older brother. He never lost interest. It only stopped when I finally moved to a different city. All those long, confusing years, it was like I was under a spell: go home, cook and clean and do the laundry, then go out to the bungalow, lay out the beers, strip, and begin sucking off my dad and brother. Their dicks were enormous and always so hard. Dad liked it rough. He would force me to gag on his penis and when i choked and couldn't do it, he would slap me on the face hard and sometimes spit on me. It was mainly oral but sometimes dad would tell me to turn around, violently rub lube into my ass, and then get me to sit on his lap, guiding his huge penis all the way inside me. I would be forced to sit there rocking on him as he reclined in his chair, moaning. My brother would watch, jerking off furiously. My dad would cum inside me, then tell me to climb onto my brother. I was so eager to please. I thought we were all in it together. I'd leave that bungalow dripping in their cum feeling weirdly happy. Except I wasn't. In my mid teens it ramped up and I was made to share my dad's bed, so he could fuck me whenever he wanted. I grew to hate him. The hate became something I could trust and I liked it. But with my older brother it was different. i don't know how else to put it except to say I fell in love with him. He was so handsome and strong, so outgoing. Super fit, he had a real swagger, and I became sort of obsessed with his crotch, it all sounds so weird I'm sure, i wish I could say i just hated it all, but truth is, I began to worship my brother. I would ask him if i could bury my face in his crotch as he watched tv. I would just lie there feeling his bulge against my face, feeling like I was in heaven. It's SO messed up. He realised I was in love with him and he exploited it. I became his private slave, butler, cook, everything. I did all his errands, house work, home work, I ironed his clothes, heck sometimes I even bathed him and dried him. It was all in the name of being close to him and wanting him to accept and nurture me. When I was 15 and he was 22, he was stil living at home, dad finally got a job that took him away from home for periods of time. I begged my brother to let me sleep in his bed. I started wearing his dirty undies, I sexually pleasured him every day, multiple times, I even on my birthday when he asked me what I wanted, managed to get him to kiss me. We made out and I'd never felt so happy. All of this has messed me up so much I can't put into words how confused i am as an adult. I wish so bad that i just hated what my brother made me do, but it was me who kept going back for more. One day when I was 16, after my brother had cum inside me and was lying there staring at me as I lay in his undies jerking off, he asked if I was in love with him. I said I was. He said that's wrong, you can't be. I was crushed. I wanted him to say he loved me too. I thought it was all over, he looked at me with such disgust. He didn't let me come near him for a few months but then it just started up again, and continued til I was 22 and he was nearly 30. He got married, had kids, but he would always just come into my room, confidently strip, sit on my chest and rub his crotch into my face. There is so much more but I'm too worked up, too confused. I hope this helps me in some way. Reading other stories sure has. Thank you.

Edited by ModTeam (08/10/12 05:52 PM)
Edit Reason: Trigger warning added.