My 2¢ on this interesting discussion. Same age as you, 1life...and similar observations. What do you think of this:
A lot of the characteristics you describe are quite similar to those of teenagers who, by definition, haven't fully developed social skills. If I can add another, the obsession with physical appearance.
My take is that, often having been forced to hide, even from parents who might have helped their social development, and having few positive, supportive role models - which is finally changing, thankgawd - many younger (some older) gay men enter the gay world without the skills their straight brothers developed naturally in every day contacts. So, the adolescent behavior you describe isn't surprising.
Nor is it surprising therefore that dealing with our brothers - even at our advanced age - is often more like dealing with a bunch of high schoolers, rife with insecurities and defense mechanisms.
Now let's add the influences of drugs and alcohol. Hell, you've been in a bar where there's a drunk or two or three who engage in vicious, catty attacks for amusement, constantly trying to top each other for the "cleverest" rejoinder. Anyone in earshot is a target.
It's like Hell's Romper Room.
Well, I can avoid those situations, walk away, or simply be the adult in the room.
So, too, you might consider that a lifetime of "straight" socialization will naturally color your perceptions. Gay culture is...well, gay! I have gay friends who live in areas not nearly as queer as where I live. They can't deal with it being "so gay" here...but these are guys who were in straight relationships at one time, too. For me, I fucking revel in the freedom to live somewhere I can be completely myself anytime, anywhere instead of being "straight acting" for someone else's prejudices. If that includes camping in the produce section - no, not with tents, shame on your gay self - terrific.
Lest I sound TOO serious, our particular brand of humor is really, REALLY good:
A gay couple in church is watching the Catholic processional, elegant flowing robes, incense on the chain, etc. One says to the other, "Shouldn't someone tell her that her purse is on fire?"