im the last person who wants MORE medication, but i have been noticing i im really shakey lately, i get really hyped up sometimes. But for me it is constant, like it is always there, that is why it is so hard. Its not like i get attacks, its just sometimes im so dazed from having to try and relax that i freak out and just cant handle it anymore, its too damn much. Maybe that is a panic attack i dont know. All i know is i seem to be under stress almost all the time, and i cant figure out how to relax, without getting really depressed. If I let go, i lose control and let go of everything, it is hard for me to care about things like eating and keeping clean. If i try to move, i grind myself into the ground with anxiety and self critism. I dont know how to get angry at anything, i cant seem to let it out right. I get pissed off over things that dont matter so much that i just want to hop up and down like a pissed off leprahkhan and yell "FUCK, FUCK, FUCK!!!" What is it i have to do to feel better? nothing seems to work. I get tired so quick, i try exercise but i dont know how i ever got started before. UGH, im on the yo-yo, fight em! Now relax. Keep you head up! But take it easy. You can do it! If you dont eat something your going to pass out. Try to sleep. I CANT! Why? I dont KNOW!!! I spent all this time trying to get out thinking my life would get so much better, but its not, its just not as bad. Can somebody give me some clue as to what i can do now? Should i just keep trying the same things, or is there something specific i can do now? I am going to leave now so i can start the battle of slumber. I take my pills, but when is another story.
Good night everybody. (Take your pills! Not right now. Cmon take your pills! In a couple hours...)