I am still struggling with why intimacy is so foreign to me, I love my fiancée but sex isnt very intimate I'm working towards improving and overcoming that, but I've never been so challenged by anything in my life.

I've been alone for so long and used porn, drugs, and women who wanted no connection with me to fulfill needs, but intimacy is just something I've never had, it's so difficult to put someone else through it even knowing that she understands why I am this way doesn't stop it from being painful.

This site has done so much for me, when I first heard of it I wouldn't even read it, and now I'm posting on here because you all make me feel comfortable attacking the demons My therapist, who was a great confidant, moved away about 7 months ago and while I've tried others I just couldn't feel the comfort expressing myself as I do here.

It's such a horrible feeling being alone and I know I'm not anymore.