Thank you Sam, having this kind of support is very helpful to me. I have kept this in secret for a long time and right now I just want to speak it out, but it is not easy to find someone who will believe and understand.
I am having a hard time moving out from the denial. I still find it hard to believe, my mother has shown the world the image of a devoted mother, very religious and always good intetioned, I still recall one time that she was mad at me because she found me some porn in my drawers, as in any catholic mexican family sex was seen as evil. This is why I find hard to believe.
But I guess you have read the Kali Munro article on the internet and I can confirm I have all of the symptoms mentioned there. On the other hand I have a clear memory of me laying on the floor while my mother was on the phone, I was laying just beneath her lookin directly to her underwear. I think she knew what I was doing and why, bu she never told me anything to stop that behavior.
As I wrote in my initial post the images didn't appear very clear to me, but one thing is for sure, something very traumatic happened to me when I was a boy, sex is related to this event and no doubt my mother is involved.
I just called my dad and my mother answered the phone, I could not tell her anything. I don't want to hate her anymore, I don't want to live like that anymore. I just want to heal.