I wish others would know that my intensity in expressing anger and resentment, in uncertainty, in fear and hesitation was temporary. So many times I became anxious about a situation or challenge that turned into hesitation, stress and anger and I would snarl at the hands of those who would support me. If I could have only told them I could not do what they were asking, that I was uncomfortable or unwilling with enough resolution that they would ask someone else, or better yet, do what they wanted themselves.
Yet time and again, feelings of responsibility and a desire to lead others put me in situations that overwhelmed me, and I let some down. I felt regret that I chose a negative emotional response instead of verbalizing my discomfort. I gave them no choice. I was their leader, their model and when I said "no", they were crushed. I set myself up as the provider, when I really wished they had seen my hurt and pain, the abuse I suffered when I was sure of myself, when I was confident in my own abilities.
I wish I would have shown them that, and I wish they would have seen it. I am glad I did finally. Some see it now, thankfully. Some do not, so be it.
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014