Wow, do I get this! Anything proximal that controls or overwhelms me is triggering. Haircuts are really triggering, although looking at it through the wisdom of recovery, the burden and anxiety lay more in the hands of the barber than I. Showers, bathing, swimming, putting a belt on, confined spaces... these are all triggering and I need to be present and rely on awareness and relaxation methods to persevere.
I sat through years of bad haircuts with the same barber because I was too overwhelmed to speak up. When I did, she adjusted the style and I felt it looked great. Now that my hair is receding, I wonder why I waited so long.
There was an experience about being panicked I want to share Pete. When I was just getting into recovery, I was helping some guys build a deer camp. I was measuring siding and I was on a ladder. As a carpenter for 20 plus years, this is something I do everyday. He asked for the measurement, and I panicked. I sat there trembling on the top of that ladder, my arms outstretched and tears in my eyes. In a few moments, I was able to compose myself and give him the numbers. The moral of the story is that survivors will face many anxious triggers, some of which we cannot understand, some of which have a connection. The resolution is to face the fear, go into it, and reveal to ourselves that there is nothing to fear.
You are beginning that path, I am encouraged in this share. In time you may come to take another step. When you are ready, we will be here to support you and to celebrate with you in your progress.