Hi pero.

I can never personally myself say "I want someone to love me unconditionally" or "I want someone to spend the rest of my life with" that is just far further and far more than I could ever say.

Even the people I've been extremely in love with I could not say as much, that would be like moving to a new house and saying "now! I'm going to spend the rest of my life here, have a family here and die in this front room" It's just way more than I could possibly say about the future.

All I'm looking for is an experience. I can't really say what this experience is without going into huge amounts of syneasthesic metaphores or poetry, and even then I'm not sure that people would understand what I mean.

it's more than just physical experience, though it has a physical element, it's more than the sort of eotional attachment I have to friends, though there is a lot of similar emotion involved, albeit on a different level.

This is not something I've picked up from the media, romance fiction or anywhere else, it's a real, obvious thing which my emotional sense has literally seen betwene people who are together. Not all the time of course, perhaps not even some of the time. But it's something I've seen betwene couples who get on with each other. my parents have shown it on occasion, as has every "successfull" relationship I've seen betwene people, even if that relationship doesn't remain successfull over a long period.

This is why i feel so agreeved that I've never experienced this myself, sinse it just doesn't seem I'm asking for much at all, just something that virtually everyone "normal" has felt at some point.

Bradly, try to kiss someone? I can't think of anything more likely to make me feel like an abuser! it was trying to hold someone's hand that virtually destroyed me at the start of my recovery in 2007. I can't think of anything more horrible than forcing my physical presence on someone, even in a miner way. heck, I even find a hug from my mum difficult.

This is really the problem, unless a girl flat out told! me she was interested in being closer, I'm pretty sunk. I can be a friend to someone, but that's it, which is again why I just assume I'm broken in this area.

"flirt?" what does that even mean? As far as I've seen from the media it seems to mean people making stupid remarks with s/xual inuendo, which is a complete nono for me, not that I'd particularly want to engage in something like that anyway, sinse my genophobia makes that an impossibility, and usually I rarely if ever notice those sorts of remarks anyway.