Well Phenix, I find the idea and desire for casual s/x totally alien to me, which again I attribute to my broken sexuality and genophobia. someone saying they want "a quick roll in the hay no strings attached" is to me like someone saying they want to eat worms. it's fine, I can accept that it's someone else's preference, and I wouldn't condemn, but to me it seems utterly alien and not a little repulsive.

My mum once suggested I locate a prostitute to deal with my genophobia, I cut her off flat. Part of me was tempted for curiosity's sake, but I know that's just not the sort of experience I want, nor do I really believe I could ever go through with the act or even take my clothes off without some sort of emotional connection.

This isn't to say it's wrong, if that's what people want, ---- fine, I just can't understand it.

Equally however, Happydays doesn't speak for me either. I certainly have no desire for kids, just for a certain experience with another person. I know plenty of couples who've chosen to do this, indeed it's those who aren't! sensible enough to understand that they don't want kids but have them anyway which cause the problem.

This experience isn't just! physical, nor however is it long term, sinse I just have no idea about the future and saying "i want to find someone to live with for the next 40 years" just seems ridiculous at this point.

it's merely an experience, a connection, a form of communication that I'm looking for. other details, clinging emotionality, the mechanics of living together are things i know would work out one way or another.

But even though I'm not! looking for much, or indeed anything that many people experience one way or another, heck I sometimes get flashes of it everytime I take a train. Even though I'm not! looking for much, it seems it's too much to ask, I'm just too broken in this area and there's no way of fixing it.

So, my resolution, hard to maintain as it might be on days like today, dam happy couples on the street! public displays of affection should be punishable by law! laugh.