I know the deadline has passed, but I wanted to post anyway just in case some else wants to read, or we can have further discussion on:

I wish more people understand that as a man who, honestly now, I'm not sure if I am gay or bisexual, that just because that is my sexual orientation I did not ask for or deserve to be gang-raped by soldiers when I was nineteen. My sexuality has no impact on how being a survivor should be viewed, as if being gay is evidence I some how wanted or enjoyed it.

Additionally, I wish people would understand that some adult males who continue to allow themselves to be abused by other men are often survivors of childhood abuse who do not know what to do with or relegate their feelings. Some may ask for it or accept it, but it is still hurting them in a way, whether they happen to admit it or not. Some may laugh about it, but inside they are still dying. I know so many like that.

I wish people would understand how we may desparately need and want love, want to have a relationship, express and receive affection sometimes. In this same vein, I know it is part of having difficulty dividing affectionate touches from sexual touches, because we were forced and confused by childhood abuse.

Like others have expressed: huge trust, touching and control issues. I can barely give or receive a hug from my son, who is the light of life, and it was utter agony to see the confusion in his face when he was younger.

This is a really, really big issue for me, and I hope those here can understand, but I am a writer and many of my characters are gay or are in gay situations or lifestyles. It is reflective of my own life, just as the stories often address adult men dealing with the after effects of abuse. One of the biggest problems I have, I must admit, and I've been vilified by some other writers for it, is these writers who portray male characters enjoying rape, or showing relationships as rape or non-com sex but where the man eventually submits, as being the average or norm in gay relationships. Often it is often portrayed that ejaculation means 'wanting it' and then the person will be submiss and fall in love into what was effectively their rapist. I know some may just say this is fiction, their fantasy, but some people believe it and it affects how they treat those who have really been abused!

I wish people, even rape groups and supporters and sorry some of the dreaded feminists who disbelieve men who've been raped as having the same negative aftereffects, would understand rape is terrible for anyone. After I was gang-raped I was referred by a well-meaning therapist to a rape survivor group. I was treated far worse by those women than any other place I've ever been or by those I've told. I was treated like filth, as told my presence was offensive. I attempted suicide after that and spend many more months in a psych hospital and it inhibited me from telling anyone or trying to get help for almost a decade.
"Always be kinder than necessary, you never know what someone is going through."-Anonymous Quote

My website, Songs of the Universal Vagabond, http://redhaircrow.com/

My story on MS forums: http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=390668#Post390668