I just read in a different thread a comment on how difficult it is for the therapeutic community to advance in helping men who were assaulted/raped as adult men because “how hidden the ASA population is.”

At first read I bristled at the comment feeling defensive. Not because there isn’t truth in this thought, for there clearly is and on one hand I’m thankful for the comment but frankly it goes so much deeper than that us just not speaking up or out. From my personal experienced I/we have ”””been””” silenced which is quite a different matter.

Sure, no question when I first was dealing with the shame, pain and disgust of what had happened I was silent due to my own fears and it took years to process this. To be fair it was being here at Malesurvivor that in many ways gave me the tools to speak out in a more public way and find no shame in doing so. I’ve matured in that I can talk fairly open and calmly about being a victim of rape to anyone if there is a proper reason to do so. (Thank goodness I’ve gotten past the stage of wanting, with abandonment, to yell it from the mountain tops, something I think many of us go through when we first break what was our self-imposed silence.)

Getting back to the need to “speak out about it” comment and why it felt like razor blades sliding beneath my skin where I once again may bleed and scar unseen. (I know this comment was not intended to injure, this is just how I reacted and I think it important to mention it for I may not be alone in this reaction.) But this reaction isn’t without reason.

I have been and I know of a number of other ASA men who have been as well denied their voice – erased – for “speaking out” telling many of us who did “speak out” without the kindness of subtleties they themselves demanded to remain “hidden and silent” for we don’t have the right to insist on being direct to what the issues pertaining to the needs and failure of meeting the needs of ASA men are.

As a result I (along with some others) have done what was demanded of me/us and have grown nearly silent more so than how I existed before coming to MS and what I’ve learned and grieved at the deepest levels is few give a rat’s butt that I/we have. Earlybird

Edited by earlybird (06/09/12 11:58 PM)
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified