I have joined MS to inquire about abuse I may have received when I was a teen. For years, I thought it was no big deal (possible denial) and now I am thinking otherwise. I was either 16 or 17 when I met a older guy who went onto become a family friend and my first employer. I would say he was in his late 40s or early 50s at the time. He was employed in a music store and took an interest in me and my liking of music. I lived with my dad and had my own car at the time so I could visit/work for the guy. One night I woke up after a late night working for him (so I stayed at his house). He was rubbing himself against me and I pushed him away. I also realized that he had in a time prior tried to look at me using his bathroom. He had put a two way mirror in the bathroom so he could see into the bathroom from his closet. As I continued to work for him over the next few years he would make me really good meals, and pay me for my work. He eventually showed me pornography and gave me massages. This carried on but I would never reciprocate so he appeared to become frustrated about it. What further complicates this matter is that I had always been attracted to women but since being very young was slightly interested/curious in men too. Note: homosexuality is in the family. When I learned about bisexuality at an early age shortly after my dad made a fit of me trying to try on my mom's shoes, it was neat to know that something like it existed. So where am I going with this .... I was married for 8 years but have continued to become interested in men (but not had a relationship with one per se). Yet I am sometimes extremely attracted to some women (usually sporty types). I have questions: 1) Was I sexually abused? 2) Should I assume the abuse has had something to do with this current sexual identity crisis, or just begin to explore relations with men?
3) Could addiction to online pornography further complicate what I am experiencing? 4) Where should I look for support? A therapist? A group? I have no clue where to begin but I am at a breaking point and new to resolve this. Jay