Thanks for replying, it's always great to hear how others are dealing with this subject, we all need all the support we can get.

Yes, any references to the word gay has my wife looking at me for a reaction, I love my wife dearly but I when it comes up I just smile back at her, what am I supposed to do run and hide?

I have hidden enough for too long. Yes I am uncomfortable with discussing the topic and it comes up allot now but I am who I am, I cannot change that. That's why I have said before if this becomes too much for her to handle we will do what we must, we have already discussed our plans if that time should come. I don't plan on leaving but we do have a back up plan.

My wife fears that I will leave for a man also but right now I don't see that happening I can't say what the future will bring, I just don't know as the urges get stronger but I have promised her that I will leave her before I act on it, she will know but it would not be for a one night thing.

I have never had an emotional attachment to a male sex partner before in fact I felt guilty and dirty for being with them but I have to confess as I have before I am curious if I could grow an emotional attachment to a guy. I'm thinking this is one of the subjects that my therapist is wanting to discuss at our next meeting.

As for right now, as I said I am with my wife, committed fully and do plan to stay that way.