Hi Dexter,


Both, for telling your wife, and on the birth of your grandchild.

Hearing these words:

Told her that if she didnt want me to come home from filming after she read it, call me and i wouldnt come hme.

just makes me so sad.

Here you are talking about the terrible and traumatic things that happened to you, and the emotions that come through are "I'm not good enough for you. If you don't want me, I'll just go away."

I am certain there are other reasons behind that statement.

But it's the low/ non-existent feeling of self worth that is painful to read (and to acknowledge within one's self).

For no other reason, you deserve to go back to T just so you can appreciate your worth.

I am very happy that you told your wife, and equally happy that she responded positively. Obviously she is aware that you don't feel worthy of her, or you wouldn't have thought she would leave you over this disclosure.

So, before you start therapy again, you have some very important work to do.

I'll help you by startng the list:

A zillion pairs of cute footie pajamas

Tons of diapers



Baby Wipes


High Chair

Car Seat

Lots of soft blankies

Rubber duckies!!! MUST HAVE!!!!

Stuffed animals of every shape, color and size.

Either a hundred rolls of film, or a lot of extra batteries for the camera.

There are probably a lot of other items you need for this list, but it's a start.

After a bonding period with the new arrival in your life, and after getting some sleep, then it's time again for the hard work of therapy.

You have been down the therapy route before. Don't forget to do things that are not trauma related. Those activities are healing in many other ways.

Be gentle and kind to yourself.

Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.