Im not sure I would call that behaviour compliance. Compliance for me assumes some kind of obedience. I think its more a state of dissociation. One of the hardest things to do is to be grounded in the present moment. With your mind always wandering about or busy thinking about other thoughts, we appear constantly distracted. So I dont find we act as doormats as much as we are simply unavailable most of the time. Of course i'm talking pre Therapy here.
I found that some exercises like mindfulness (a form of meditation) allows you to be grounded and to be in the present moment. It seems like such a small detail but so important for communication. Something that will be necessary for both partners I'm sure.
I may be wrong but i get the impression from reading some posts that survivors are projects, almost as if they need to be saved from their spouses. Am I wrong here?
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale