Your wife's attitudes seem to be the same regrettable one's in the culture at large. I don't blame her for those but they're not workable. There's recognition how huge a wound it is, but when it comes to allocating resources to heal it, well... we can't afford it. Women come first as victims, etc. So... just get over it.

Are you able to get to any of the men's support groups in Penn?

Your wife might not be the best person to talk to and get support from. Other male survivors might work a lot better. They won't have the investment in a partnership relationship with you, and having been through it themselves, will probably "get it" quickly. Helpful. That's my experience. I agree about once it needs to come out, there's no stopping it except in making things worse.

Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you

Paul Eluard