Recently, I have found myself going for that one to being repulsed with the very idea of getting married, having sex, and the concept of love. This is a very big change for me because in the early 07's when I came on here, I didn't believe in love. Then I met someone who changed my opinion of that in the late 07's. I was okay with this up until I broke up with her in the late 08's.

I have spent my 4 or so years alone. I'm young. I'm funny. I'm a nice person all around; however, I don't have time for a girlfriend. I know this is an excuse. I don't want one. Sexuality is a fluid concept. I go each day from one point to the next. I even doubted the people I loved or I knew that loved me. Some days it just feels like I'll never get the point of love, sex, lust, etc.

I took a step to do a dating site, but that fell through as the person I was interested in was equally busy. Who has the time for stuff like this? I work a job that demands 20+ hours each week, have 10 hours of just sitting in school plus the hours whittled away for homework, and I drive half the state twice a week and an hour total for work each day. I know that is probably an excuse. If I wanted it, I could make time for it. I believe there is always time to be made. It just depends on how you structure it.

I also look at what I've been doing lately. I have a male friend who has been going through a rough time. He lost his mother due to a lawsuit she gave him. Lost his job, his surrounds, and had to move into his girlfriend's house. I've been so busy trying to juggle my life, his, and work... that I really haven't focused on me. My desires and dreams...

But I also look at it and have the feelings that I expressed above. I don't want anything to do with it. It's a non-issue. It does not exist where it once did. I know I'm just pushing it away. I'm okay with that (at the moment). Others are not.

Happiness. Love. Sex. Marriage. Children. Pleasure. These are just words to me. Should they mean something more?