My mom died when i was 5 years old. About two years after that, my dad's male lover, David, moved into our home. He was very friendly, and we all got along well until I was 11--at that point David began coming in my room at night. He told me to by very quiet as he showed me his pornography. He would masturbate in front of me, and tell me to masturbate too.
I told my Dad about this, but he did nothing to stop David, and David continued coming to my bed a couple nights a week. He gradually became more aggressive until I was a teenager, when he started to rape me. This went on for years until i moved out of the house.
I've tried to talk to my dad about this recently, to understand why he would not help me, but he won't' discuss it. I've talked to David recently too (he's no longer living with my dad). David said that he was only with my dad to get to me, and my dad knew this. Apparently my dad was willing to sacrifice me to stay in the relationship with David.
This is what I had suspected for years, and I've been terribly bitter about it. I'm so angry at both of them, so hurt.
Despite this, after I confronted David, and we had discussed everything, we had sex, and we've continued having sex for about a month. It isn't the same as before--obviously it's consensual, and I'm an adult, but i feel so guilty and ashamed. i want to stop, but I'm very attracted to him now. as far as I know, he is not abusing other kids now, but I feel that i should report him instead of having sex with him