You sound like my therapist.

I had lots of questions that I could not find answers online, so I went to the school today to talk to someone about them.

I was ready, notebook with the questions, neatly organized from most pertinent to least. I would walk up to the students manning the desk and all would be lovely.

Got in front of the building on 5th Avenue. I looked in. I saw a security guard. Got nervous. Went around the corner, organized my paperwork to make sure it was in order and handy. Checked that my pen could write. Reread my notes, the acceptance letter.

Then an overwhelming urge to puke came over me. I took deep breaths. Kept saying, "I can't do this. I can't do this." and "I must be out of my mind." Then I left.