And just when you think the sucker punches have stopped coming, you get hit with another one... except this one you saw coming and tried to prepare yourself for, but it hit in a place you weren't expecting or couldn't possibly have defended from.

I don't get it, really. Why it's easier to deal with the sliver of uncertainty surrounded by a lot of strong suspicions than it is to deal with the hard facts of numbers and values staring at you from a piece of paper in black ink.

Very numb tonight. I have six... part of me is yelling at myself that we expected this and that we already more or less knew what the lab results would show, part of me is just angry, part of me wants to cry but doesn't know how to, and then there's the overwhelming numbness.

Not feeling anything tonight but the numbness.

Everything is a million miles away.


Adapt. Overcome. Survive.