Justice or corroboration.

The priest perp, that came later, after confronted through channels actually admitted he abused me. Justice?? It didn't feel like it. I was actually more depressed after that because, as JustScott said, it does absolutely nothing to take away the pain. But there was something, I guess, just in having him admit it. Though, I was believed from the start.

What I am going through now, is much earlier abuse. As you know, you have commented with me before, about remembering. And the lack of it. And I'm with you on that one. It's hard to deal when there is no clear concept of a sequence of events. It's like it's not even true to me and the symptoms are just there. The lil kid in me that was abused does not want to hear any professional say "just focus on the symptoms" because he feels cheated. Disbelieved. Angry.

It sounds from your earlier sharing that you do have some clear images from your past. And I have two that have come up for me. One much later confirmed by my cousin is the most clear, but still hard for me to really accept. I want more. Lil me wants more recognition. And I'm the only one that can give it to him. It feels week that way. It feeds into the desire of others to minimize what happened. And feeds into my desire to avoid it as well. It has been really hard for me to see that in myself. That I am part of the voices that tell lil me it really didn't happen, get over it.

But the truth is flat out we have enough memory to know. Accepting isn't easy on more levels than one. And there is no real justice that can be inflicted on these people that could measure up.