A man I deeply respect told me recently, abuse is reacted to differently by it's victims. Victims are sensitive to varying degrees.
What does that mean for me?
I have been searching for the difference
between my siblings, the children I meet at school and worship, and those I have met, and me. Why can I only become close to those who would use me? Lie to me? Abuse me? Control me? Destroy me? The answer is, that I am a HIGHLY SENSITIVE PERSON, and those who would do me the most damage are the ones who flatter me. While some are not as sensitive to the same degree, others manipulate my sensitivity for their own gratification.
This IS the beginning, for me. The difference, the bridge... recovery endgame.., the beginning of V.I.C.T.O.R.Y:
The Highly Sensitive Person
- I am sensitive to favoritism with my siblings
- I am sensitive to rewards they receive that I did not
- I am sensitive to rewards that were better than mine
- I am sensitive to rude and cruel remarks from my siblings and parents(specific)
- I am sensitive to rude and cruel remarks from students, shop keepers, teachers, and relatives
- I am sensitive to my own failings and mistakes
- I am sensitive to negative thoughts, feelings and actions by myself and others, especially others.
- I am sensitive to my children, their feelings, wants and actions.
- I am sensitive to my wife favoring the children in discipline and rewards over my sensitivity
- I am sensitive to others receiving promotions, raises, awards over me.
- I am sensitive, I will use catastrophizing to stop beneficial activity.
- I am sensitive to abuse, and think it is supposed to happen to me, in light of all the insensitive unfairness surrounding me.
Elaine Aron is a writer of "The Highly Sensitive Person" and speaker in awareness for this trait. SPS, or Highly Sensitive Person, HSP, affects 15-20% of the population. She has been doing research since 1991 on the topic, and her last work was in 2010.
This is it brothers, THE KEY; the final piece of the puzzle. I can string all the other variables, my feelings of unfairness, rejection and abandonment and why the abuse destroyed me. This is the piece I have been waiting for all of my life.
I am a Highly Sensitive Person:
- I internalize every remark, and respond slowly to change
- I understand on a deeper, more vibrant and intense level
- I more quickly consume my resources to process inputs, inside and external
- I am aware of the negative much more acutely than others
- I am subject to a longer process, and I need time to produce a more indepth and well thought out approach
- I have value and cannot be rushed into a decision, or I can be robbed of confidence and value
In this new awareness, I will not be anxious when I consider a matter thoroughly and completely. I do not need to "jump in" with hastily concocted answers. I am not "slow", I am competent.
Wide open and fearless!