Adam did not tell me until his brother told me how Adam had gone on to abuse his niece. His brother was drunk and doing that kind of random thought association thing and just dropped it in the middle of nowhere and continued to the next thought. I asked Adam later what it meant. He flew into a rage and called his brother a liar. I called his other brother who is the father of the niece who reluctantly told me. I called Adam home early from work and said it was an emergency. He immediately piped in with he did it because he was abused. He remembers none of his abuse. A shrink put it in his head. Said he acted like an abuse victim. Anytime, he was confronted with what he did to his niece, he excused it with that he was abused. As an abuse victim myself, I have blocked a good portion of what happened to me but I can tell you who and the jist (sp) of it. He remembers nothing. It supposedly happened when he was 2. His mother was a stay at home mom. It would have had to have been one of his brothers or his mother. I am not saying it's impossible but highly unlikely. His up until currently shrink said it was bad form that the other shrink would even suggest such a thing. Putting it in his head like that. But Adam flew into a full on rage and never wanted me to speak to his family again, etc. etc. I found out from the brother who told me that Adam was a sociopath. I did not say anything. I just listened and he told me about his life and accomplishments and they were all things that Adam had taken credit for and blended into his persona.
I can tell you as far as when I disclose my own personal sexual abuse. I have certain things I do not let people do to me. So if I get to that level with a person, I do disclose that I have been abused and there are certain ground rules. No going near the butt (I will not get more graphic than that), no tying me up or gagging me, no like slapping around or talking dirty type foreplay (calling me a whore or anything like that), and no having sex with anyone under the influence. I set those ground rules with anybody I sleep with. No pornography. No means no. Stop means stop. I know I am a woman so it's different but I thought you still might find it interesting