I pray regularly for God to take the desire away from me. Aside from my personal views, it pains me to KNOW that I am living something that His word says I shouldn't be. I still crave it and YES I still give in to what my flesh wants from time to time, but it hurts me terribly.

I do not believe that I was born this way, nor do I accept that I was "meant" to be this way. [/quote]

I most certainly wish to "throw no stones" !! But I spent about 8yrs battling this very issue. I couldn't accept my orientation either. I was married for seven years then spent another 8 wrestling with God about it. I wish I could save you some time here.

The mind is a powerful organ. It responds from a history of abuse clouding our present desires. Especially where sexuality is concerned. Internalized shame and guilt hides behind what we face day to day and is definitely affecting you as you think about your sexual orientation. That's even before you bring God into the picture. That's a whole separate issue.

For me, I was a seminarian. Convinced of God's call with a wife and two kids. It was when I was in Grad school working on a Pastoral Counseling degree that I began facing the abuse, then my orientation, and then the "God & Homosexuality" issue. I was a Southern Baptist, so that tells you how I thought of myself as being gay.

My heartfelt advice is to please start with compassion for yourself! Where you are is simply where you are. It's not where you will be. With a good therapist look at the shame forced upon you. Accept that you are a work in progress. Truth will sort itself out from there.

And with God; It has been my experience that what is really true is usually the simplest things.

My abuse taught me to doubt my own mind. Not to trust my own experiences but to look to something above reproach to believe in and follow. But when I learned to believe in myself more and see authority figures more realistically, I found the Bible to be no more reliable than any other human wisdom: human and imperfect.