I am dead inside. I can only feel hurt and the fear that someone is going to hurt me. fuck them all, get them away from me...why should I put up with this?

my wife can't handle the fact that I screwed around with somebody else. I can't handle it either. I can't handle wanting to do it more, wanting to follow the girl in the short skirt in the store. I can't handle feeling enraged when someone hurts me, even accidentally.

She wants to be loved, to be adored. I love her, I adore her, but I acted out, which to her, means I don't love her at all. In fact, that means I disrepescted her...

I am not sure I can stay in this. I fall apart when someone abandons me. She used to threaten to leave all the time, then she stoped. She has threatened to leave sveral times since findong out about my acting out, and I am numb, depressed n a way I haven't been for years.

I just want it to end. Maybe she should leave...maybe it is best for both of us.

And let the darkness fear our light.