If your just starting to go through this, then the sad fact is that this is going to be rough as hell, and nothing we can say or do is going to take the pain away. Sometimes, all you can do is post something here, and hope somebody is listening. You dont have to explain to people what happened if you dont know them, its none of their buisness. But dont live your life in shame. Lift your head up as high as you can, wear this like a badge. You survived what can be deemed as the some of the most sadistic and vile human behavior on earth, and you did not break, you and your spirit are alive and well. There are parts of our minds that can only be taught this by being kind to ourselves, by not only telling, but showing ourselves that we have every right to be proud and feel love for ourselves.
My memory is not what it should be, but i think i am beggining to remember a lot of unpleasant things, maybe along the lines of what your talking about.
We are all of us brothers and sisters of humanity. We dont need any exuse to acknowledge the love inside us for each other. Dont be ashamed of your love for your brothers and sisters, and dont be ashamed of your love for yourself. If you have no other consolation in the world right now, its that at least one other person in this world cares, right here right now. Dont give up on yourself and dont give up on your dreams. We can make it through this.